Friday, March 13, 2009

i thought

i thought so many things when i was growing up
things of how would i be as a grown up

i feel kinda frustrated

i had an existencial crisis two weeks ago

the answer? go the the shrink

geezz.... i didnt think it was that bad

but i guess its not such a crazy idea, i've had the thought of it, but it kinda scare me
i dont know
scare of that they'll tell things i dont want to hear, maybe...
scare of that they'll tell me that nothings gonna be alright or the way it used to...
scare of that they'll tell me that its not gonna get easier...


i hate feeling scare

sometimes i feel i beat it... but it cames back

sometimes i feel i can rule the world, like i can do anything, but as i said before, that feeling goes away

i feel like its not gonna get easier, au contraire, its gonna get harder, and it scares me

and i hate myself for feeling that way

why can't i stay optimistic?

why do i make such a big deal out of it?

i wish i could just let it go

i wish i could embrace it, figure it out, and let it go

i wish i could be more mature about it

i ran into a dude i kinda like, he asked me how was i, i said fine, i said bored, i said that maybe i'm growing up, he was like 'yeap, i feel like that too' i dont know if he was being polite, or if he really meant that or he didn't know what to say 'cuz that's definitely not a good line to throw to a non-friend

i dont know what do i find attractive of him, its nothing like 'what you see its what you get' i feel like there's so much more to that, like when i look at him in the eyes... god, i feel like they talk to me, you know, he has such beautiful eyes, and i've always felt something about'em

and i dont know why i always manage myself to run into him when i am awfully drunk, even tho, i was sober this last time i saw him... i wonder what he thinks about me

sometimes i think its just something i just have to get, you know
like 'why he's not into me?' 'why he doesn't do something?' ...anything

but i tell myself, why do i want to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with me, you know

and there's a little invoice that's always bothering, that little voices that keeps you from your peace of mind

gosh.... i dont know how i ended up talking about this dude

en conclusión... no se qué sentir, no estoy segura de lo que siento
lo que sí, es que no me agrada mucho que digamos

quisiera tener más claridad

quisiera estar más optimista